1 simple way to make yourself happier every day

I don’t know why, but I don’t respond to the typical advice about how to be happy. I don’t want to look in the mirror and do affirmations, or meditate, or write a gratitude journal. But I have found one cool method for happiness that does work for me. It all started with a friend who offhandedly mentioned something to me. A few years ago, my friend started her own business. So we’re talking about what it feels like to be CEO and what it takes, and fundraising, and all kinds of stuff. And finally she says, “Now that I’ve been running my own company, I have no idea how you’ve done this alone for the last ten years.” HOLD ON A SECOND. Can you imagine how I felt hearing this? I FELT AMAZING!! I had the biggest smile on my face. Finally, someone recognizes all the work I’ve put in. The power of being acknowledged is massive. But you know what else I realized? SHE felt good saying it. My friend is a super-optimistic person, and I could see that she felt happier by complimenting me. This was eye-opening. See, one of the most powerful ways you can make yourself happier is to give a compliment to another person. Not just a nice, throwaway compliment. I'm talking about a super-specific, meaningful compliment. “Nice” compliment: “You look great!” GREAT compliment: “Wow Vincent, you look amazing. One thing I really admire about you is how you always look so put together. I try to do that so I know how much work it really is. You really do an amazing job.” The compliment could be about their work, how good of a party they threw … whatever. Just imagine how they would feel. And one more thing — imagine how happy YOU would be! This is super counterintuitive to how most of us think. So many of my students are obsessed with their own problems. They’re constantly looking inside their own head. “Oh I have a fear of failure.” “I’m a perfectionist.” “I I I.”

But we’re all ignoring a tried-and-true solution that’s staring us in the face. Making someone else happy is going to make us happy. Totally different than the normal things we do to be happy. The usual answers for a quick boost of happiness: Watch a movie. Eat ice cream. Meditate. All of those are “me focused.” Hey, if you want to do them … awesome. I love movies. But giving someone a compliment is “you focused.” It’s focused on someone else, and that’s why it’s fundamentally different. That happiness lasts for them and for you. I’m still talking about what my friend said a long time later. Once I saw how powerful this was, I actually started trying to give people more compliments. It didn’t come naturally to me, but I’ve been around a number of very successful people and I’ve observed them. And they are just so good. It seems like they are naturals at just making other people around them feel good. So here are two little tricks I discovered for giving great compliments that other people love, and they will make you feel great too. First, focus on the little things. Again, very counterintuitive. When I started giving compliments, I would focus on big things that everybody knows. “Wow. Nice suit. I like it” or “Congratulations on your promotion!” But I slowly realized that the most socially adept people can turn even the smallest things into a compliment. For example, a friend comes over. You make them dinner, and they say, “Wow I really love how you seared this steak. It’s perfect.” A lot of people think that bigger compliments mean bigger impact, but it’s actually small compliments that stand out. It’s like relationships. Real love isn’t just getting a big expensive gift once a year on your birthday or Valentine’s Day or New Year’s. Real love is doing little things every day to show that you care. Could be cooking breakfast, doing laundry, writing a small note. Being there at the door when they come home from work, or whatever it is for you. Second, tell people the kind of person that they are. This is another counterintuitive approach. For example, “You’re the kind of person who can talk to anybody” or “You’re the kind of person who always stays positive. It’s amazing.” We love to be told the kind of person we are. It’s the same reason that we read horoscopes and take Myers-Briggs personality tests. Every single person loves to learn about themselves. Use these techniques! They are extremely powerful, and you’re using them to genuinely make other people feel great. The incidental benefit that you will see is that you’ll be happy when you make others happy. It’s not fake. It’s actually truly authentic. Instead of sitting around like most people and asking “How do I make myself happy? What am I going to pull out of my freezer to feel good for the next ten minutes?” — you’re asking a totally different question. “How can I make someone else happy by giving them a genuine, authentic compliment?” Here’s your action step for today. Very simple. Give someone a compliment. When you get your morning cappuccino, tell the barista, “This steamed milk is perfect.” When you have a meeting with a colleague, tell them you love their shirt. If it’s appropriate, ask them where they got it. When you see a friend later at the gym, tell them (if this is true), “You know I really admire you. You’re the kind of person who never misses a workout."

Try this today.